Carman Lee moved many to tears after posting a deeply personal video detailing her struggle with depression and the devastating period following her father’s death.
On November 7, HK01 reported that the 59-year-old Hong Kong icon uploaded a self-recorded video describing her journey through one of the darkest chapters of her life and shares the coping methods that helped her survive.
Widely recognized as one of the most beautiful actresses of Hong Kong’s golden era in the 1980s and 1990s, and hailed as the “most unforgettable Xiaolongnü” on screen, Carman Lee’s personal life has been marked by heartbreak. Her longest and most painful relationship was with businessman Kwok Ying Chuen, whom she dated in 1998. At his request, she retired from the entertainment industry, only to return later and take any role she could find when he faced financial problems, solely to help him repay his debts.
But his sacrifices were not met with commitment. After ten years together, he told her he had no intention of getting married. They ended their relationship in 2008, leaving Carman emotionally destroyed.
In 2009, she fell into severe depression. He describes that period as the worst days of his life, days when he felt like a lifeless body adrift in time.
“A week without leaving the house was normal. I didn’t brush my teeth, I didn’t shower, I didn’t comb my hair. I didn’t even feel dirty,” he recalled. He once consumed two entire butter rolls weighing over 900 grams without realizing it. “It wasn’t because it tasted good. I was just mindlessly shoving it in my mouth until my stomach rebelled. I threw it all up and sat in front of the toilet crying.”
Eating, drinking, sleeping and breathing, according to her, are nothing more than biological tasks that she performs just to survive.
Carman admitted that he often thought about ending his life. He looked down from the balcony of his 27th-floor home, held a knife too long while cutting fruit or drove aimlessly to cemeteries late at night. He described depression as a terrifying “lover,” saying: “He attached himself to me like an intimate partner with whom we argued, ignored each other, then cohabited.”
Her symptoms worsened when her father became seriously ill, and she sank even deeper after his death a year later. “I felt overwhelming guilt. I blamed myself for everything. But then I realized that wasn’t what my father would have wanted.” he said.
She decided to share her story because many followers wrote to her about their emotional problems. She hopes her experience can offer strength to anyone battling mental wounds.
Addressing those who feel isolated, Carman revealed that she herself doesn’t have many friends and that’s totally fine. He advised viewers not to cling to people who lack patience or empathy and urged anyone having dangerous thoughts to call 911 immediately.
“When I was at my lowest point, I forced myself to think about my mother. If I had done something irreversible, she, the person who loves me most, would never have recovered. That reminder helped pull me back from the brink.” he said.
Carman also spoke about his recovery process: medications, strict adherence to doctors’ recommendations, exercise, cooking and good food all played a crucial role.
In previous interviews, he revealed that one of the biggest turning points came from a chance conversation with Chow Yun-fat on a plane. When she told him she intended to quit acting, he replied: “How can a person live without work?” He encouraged her to pursue her passions, fitness and cooking, and consider turning them into a career.
“His words woke me up” he said. She began to reconnect with the world of hiking, meeting family for tea, slowly training her way out of the emotional pit she had been trapped in.
Carman Lee’s story is a powerful reminder that healing is not instantaneous, it happens step by step, and that with each step survival becomes a little more possible.
Sources: TP
